Welcome December! ... maybe.

The last time I posted about my health issues was a few months back.  I was actually thinking about splitting this into another blog strictly for writing about those, but I kind of stopped when thinking of a name for it.  Thought of a good one... and found out it was taken by someone who never updates their blog.  Damn.  So the idea is still on the table and it will probably happen.  Then maybe if I do that I will be motivated more to update both blogs, instead of a mishmash of information all on one.

Welcome December!  Time for the holidays!  I LOVE receiving & giving gifts, decorating, writing cards, baking, music, family, and friends!  I LOVE the snow and having a white Christmas!  I DISLIKE the anxiety that comes with it, the dark cloud that hovers over the shoppers and the rudeness of some of them, people who spend more they can afford, bad customer service because the rude people are rubbing off on others, driving in bad snow, and my own anxiety.  From the end of November to mid January I want to lock myself inside my home and hibernate until the holidays have ended and then emerge into a new year & new world.  Years ago, I wasn't like this.

Today I woke up with a panic attack.  On top of that an asthma attack.  They always seem to be worse in the morning, probably because my brain is trying to prepare me for the day.  It's probably telling me, "Oh, so you want to go to work and be surrounded by people, and talk to strangers on the phone who will not always be pleasant, and drive on the road with idiot drivers, and get dressed in clothes that are not as comfortable as your sweats, and wonder if your car battery is dead, and wonder if people around you can tell if you've been crying, and have to explain to people who aren't going through what you are going through (because they can sense you're off) that it's not as easy as they think to get over it and get better, and wonder how you are going to fit in stuff you need to do at home once you get home because you know you'll just be too exhausted, and most likely miss an important personal call from your doctor or a business, and have to take almost every minute of your free time to call said doctors or businesses because they never called you back or called you back when you couldn't answer, and hope you will even get a hold of them because you know you won't be able to by your last break, and realize you forgot some paperwork (because you always do) that you need to reference on that phone call that was either missed or never received, and just generally feel crappy because of all the shit that has built up over the last few days, no weeks, or months, NO... years!  Oh, HELL NO... NO NO NO NO NO!  I am going to randomly give you excruciating pain that will make you think you are going to die, or are in the middle of a heart attack.  Maybe I'll stop it after a few minutes, or a 1/2 hour, maybe longer.  Once it's over, maybe I'll bring it back at some unexpected time when you least expect it and are feeling fine.  In the mean time, worry about it coming back.  Plus the rest of the time you aren't in pain, I'll just exhaust the heck out of you!  On top of that I might also give you a migraine, asthma, and throw in a little (or a lot of) diarrhea."

Though I love this time of year, that dark cloud floats itself on over to me.  I haven't been diagnosed with SAD and don't think that's what I have.  I think it's safe to mention again that I never had these issues until I started showing signs of my failing thyroid.  Yet every little, teeny-tiny, not a huge deal, thing that everyone else can just shrug off builds up an up until my body says, "Fuck that!  I'm going to knock you out for a bit.  Or at least try to."

The recent stupid things that have just made it worse?  Let's see...

• Tried to place a cyber Monday order on a site for gifts because it was a pretty good deal & I was budgeting.  Put the stuff in my basket, went to check out, thought I created an account and it ended up never going through.
• Lady on the phone last week screamed at me, "YOU'RE GOING TO HELL YOU BITCH!" for something completely out of my control.  My response was a laugh (it just came out because her statement was so unexpected, though I felt bad for her) and then she hung up on me.
• Waiting in line at the doc office for 5 min for them to finish up with someone, and sign advises to stand back until called, so I was waiting and my friend sent me a text so I was reading it.  A guy behind me walks right up to the window without being called in which I immediately stated I was next.  Then he makes some off comment about why people don't text and drive in which I state I wasn't driving nor moving and how it's also rude to cut people off while driving & to read the sign posted, like driving.  He then continues to "ride my ass" while I'm trying to check out of the office.  I decide to make it a little longer by asking for documents to be printed off. (I really did need them anyway.)  He makes some other off comment so I shoot him a nasty glance, and then advises he's just talking to himself.  Mind you this guy was probably in his late 50's and was making the checkout longer by being this way.  When I was done I called him a jerk to his face and left.  
• Gift I ordered for my friend came broken.
• Credit card denied a big order and called me about it yesterday around 6pm. Then I wake up this morning to find ANOTHER alert after 11pm from them when I TOLD them I was placing more orders & through who.
• I'm in the right lane of 2 lanes of traffic and this old guy turns into our traffic from a side street and then instead of staying in the left lane cuts right in front of me when I'm going 45mph and he's just merging so I have to slam on my breaks and I had paperwork for my doctor appointment go all over the place in my car.
• I had another sinus infection and was put on a 3rd antibiotic of the year.
• Right at the end of my 3rd antibiotic I got the flu even, though I had my flu shot, and was put on my 4th antibiotic of the year.
• I've been trying to quickly adjust my med schedule to take it earlier in order to wake up earlier because my shift is supposed to be changing at work this weekend.  Then I was told it is staying the same until February.  Plus I don't think adjusting the time is helping how I feel overall.
• LTD is still denying my appeal (it has been over a year now that I am fighting this) because, apparently, at the point I'm at now it has to be done a different way where I now need to compile everything and send it in myself instead of send in the appeal and have my doctors send their information in separately.  So I had a huge packet of paperwork sent in with new information (by me but not from my doctors, I stated that would come separately from them) and they sent it all back saying there wasn't any new information in it. Then it took over a week for the guy to call me back giving me the specifics on how it had to be done & why it was all sent back. Now I have to contact all these doctors back... again... and have them send the info right to me. Plus request a copy of all the stuff they have on file already to make sure I'm not sending duplicates.
• Parents are messaging me asking what I ordered from my cell phone service because they got something saying I ordered something from them.  I see this as soon as I wake up so it puts a huge stress on me so I call them.  I ask them what the date is on it because I did ask the company to send me a receipt from way back when I initially purchased my phone as I never received it in the 1st place.  They had already e-mailed it to my personal e-mail.  It was that receipt.
• Knew this stress was getting to me so tried to make an appointment with my doc office to have a med adjustment & they couldn't get me in until next Tuesday.  Thought I would miss work so I rescheduled for my day off on Thursday and until then I am just going to self-medicate myself and hope that it keeps me stable so I can go back to work tomorrow and be fine until I can go in then.
• Had to call another doctor office because I asked them for a follow up appointment and they said they'd call me back and it was 2 weeks since then.
• Had my endocrinologist say I'm now pre-diabetic and they now want to test me for that though I'm losing weight and eating better.
• Had my endocrinologist tell me, "Good news! Your thyroid levels are in range." When I looked at my levels and my TSH was 0.42.  The "standard" range is 0.40-4.50.  Why am I on/off hyperthyroid symptomatic then?  Not "good enough" news for me.

Of course, there's other things I just can't think of.  And a lot of these things are petty, or work/have worked themselves out,but my brain and body just wants to shut down now once it gets to a certain point.

Thyroid issues cause the best of both worlds, mental and physical issues.  Huffington Post posted a short article with the cartoon below (click on it to go to the article) that asks the question, "What if people treated physical illness like mental illness?" It links to the CDC where that states, "Only 25% of adults with mental health symptoms believed that people are caring and sympathetic to persons with mental illness."  I'm sorry to say that I don't believe the majority of people are caring or sympathetic.  Mostly because I don't think people understand the vast majority of symptoms and diagnosis that are involved, so the majority of people think those with mental illnesses are just plain bat shit crazy.  There's a LOT more to it.

I don't really know where I'm trying to go with this post.  I just felt like writing and complaining, and being a basket case today, while curled up under a blanket on my couch, re-watching the season premier of Mob Wives, napping the rest of the time, and wishing I could have the strength to pull myself together and make it out the door for a productive day.  Maybe that day will be tomorrow.

Panic attacks and anxiety with thyroid problems.

When you aren't feeling well you should always entrust in your doctors for advice and treatment.  At least that's what I thought.  At the end of this month it will have been a year since my total thyroidectomy and I am still left to wonder if it was the right thing to do.

Should I still be having problems a year later?  Sure the surgery helped me with my Graves' Disease but now I feel like there's a never ending battle with hypothyroidism, or hyperthyroidism if I'm getting too much medication.  None of my other hormones were ever checked until after the surgery, 6 months later, and on my 3rd endocrinologist.  Could it initially have been an adrenal or pituitary gland problem?  Was there something else causing my thyroid to go haywire?  I may never know.

I posted previously that the last time my numbers were checked they all came back in the "normal" range. Thyroid, adrenal, pituitary, sex hormones... everything.  Even though I still feel anything but normal.  Lately, every morning I wake up at 6am and I'm shaking.  I take my medication and fall back asleep for another hour or so and then the shakes are (usually) gone by the time I am ready to get up.  Another odd thing I had yet to mention was that sometimes, right after I wake I get the sensation my vision is pulsating.  Reading up on all of this it could be the physical form of my anxiety coming out.

So this brings me to what I initially wanted to write about which are panic attacks.

I did have a terrible panic attack a few days ago.  I think I have mentioned before I am currently taking 5mg of Lexapro.  I was on 10mg but I was feeling worse on the higher dose and having regular panic attacks at that level.  Those of you who are familiar with medications like this may laugh considering 10mg is really a starter dose.  I've been on and off so many different types of these medications and I can say they have helped me remain calm when I was in stressful situations, but they have not helped me at all with the anxiety and depression caused by my thyroid condition.

Before I even knew I was having issues with my thyroid I started having panic attacks.  There was a lot of stress in my life between me being ill, my job, and my family.  Then one day they started.  Immense, immobilizing pain that would radiate throughout my upper chest and arms, almost like a burning and crushing sensation.  Then nausea, headaches, neck and arm pain usually followed along with a crash.  After the pain was over and done with my body becomes extremely exhausted and I could sleep for hours because the fatigue was so great. The attacks would last from minutes, to hours, and the worst of them lasted a few days.

When I 1st started getting them it was after my gallbladder surgery and after I had returned to work.  Like clockwork, a few hours after I would get into work they would start.  One a day, around the same time every day.  "Was it because of the surgery or what I was eating for breakfast?" I wondered.  I went to my primary doctor and gallbladder surgeon, was told me to see a GI doctor, was prescribed amitriptyline, had a endoscopy done and was told I had general dyspepsia.  Though when describing the pain, my GI doctor had even noted that where I was describing that the pain was and how it traveled, it didn't seem to be a GI issue.  The attacks got worse and worse and the medication was upped and upped and upped.  A few times they got so bad and lasted so long I went to the ER, only to be told that I'm absolutely fine.  All I could think of was, "No, I'm most definitely NOT!"  I stopped the medication and stopped seeing the GI doctor.

People joke about looking up stuff on the internet about your health.  If you're a hypochondriac I could understand as every symptom you have seems to lead to some sort of cancer, especially on the WebMD symptom checker.  Though I remember my primary doctor had mentioned something about anxiety a while back.  I searched pain with anxiety and this article came up.  I read it and thought, "OMG, this is EXACTLY what I am going through!"

I started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist.  Medication after medication after medication I tried.  Terrible side effects of the medications along with the panic attacks persisting.  It caused me to believe that maybe I wasn't having panic attacks and something even more terrible was wrong with me.  Who would have known that I was partially correct?

Another year later & I was diagnosed with Graves' Disease.  The 1st endocrinologist I saw was not very helpful when I had questions and was one of those, "I'm the professional.  Don't question what I say and just do as told," type of doctors.  Now that I knew I had a life threatening thyroid condition and was most likely going to need treatment for the rest of my life, I had a million questions that I wanted answers to.  So I started seeking out others online who were going through what I was.  Graves' Disease & Thyroid Foundation has a forum where I spoke with many people going through what I was, learned a lot about my condition, and found resources to help me along my journey to recovery.  I also learned, from the help of others, that anxiety and panic disorders can go hand in hand with thyroid conditions.

So when that endocrinologist told me that my anxiety had nothing to do with the thyroid condition or medication I was on, and that I just needed to be thrown on an anti-anxiety medication, he lost my business.  Onto the new endocrinologist who agreed with me it could have to do with the condition, but suggested the medication may just help.

My thoughts on this were, if they didn't help before, how could they help now?  I want to fix the main problem 1st and refused additional medication.  I still had painful panic attacks up until the day of the thyroidectomy.  Then immediately after the surgery, the panic attacks disappeared.

I still had ongoing anxiety issues because of the healing process after.  Being extremely hypothyroid, the complications with the meds and blood levels because of that, gaining weight, having forms being filled out every month for disability and having doctors telling me, "Let's give it another month," month after month before they would release me back to work.  Then when I was ready to go back to work I was anxious about having to go through training process again and starting a new shift.  This is when I started the Lexapro to help with the anxiety I was feeling.  After starting that, the panic attacks started again, though mildly, when my thyroid levels were on the hyperthyroid side.

Please doctor, tell me again how these don't go hand in hand?  I can also tell you, with my medical history, I NEVER had issues with anxiety nor any panic attacks until 1-2 years before being diagnosed with thyroid issues.  Again, please doctor, tell me again how these don't go hand in hand?

I will see my endocrinologist tomorrow morning.  I can already anticipate how the conversation will go.  Him saying, "You are fine," and me saying, "No, not completely.  Let me show you a list of my current problems."

I also mentioned the terrible sore throat I had last month.  Well, my sore throat is back in a mild form so the gargling of salt water helped a little this morning.  I feel feverish though my temp was at 98.1.  I'll write a whole other post sometime about the terrible brain fog I have been having lately.  How can I be fine if my body feels like it's shutting down?  Maybe I'll have some answers tomorrow and maybe not.  I will get through this, though it's a bitch trying to.

An illness someone else may be able to get over in a day can hit me so hard and leave me feeling ill and beaten for a much longer time.

This last week I have been sick.  It started on Monday night where my throat started getting a little sore then throughout the day Tuesday it got worse and worse.  I tried lozenges, gargling with saltwater, medicine.  Nothing was working.  I could barely sleep that night and when I woke up on Wednesday it was intolerable.  I was having trouble swallowing, both my tonsils were inflamed but the left one felt like there was a lump in it, my voice was getting raspy, and overall I felt like crap.  Time to go to the doctor.

I ended up seeing the doctor that tried to push me to go on fibromyalgia medication before, when I had a correct hunch I didn't need to, so I was a bit concerned at first.  She said my tonsils were inflamed, had puss coming out of them (yuck!), and decided to check for strep throat though I didn't have a fever.  I'm known for not getting fevers when I'm really sick.  Luckily that came back negative so it was determined I caught some sort of virus that infected my tonsils.  I was prescribed an antibiotic and told to rest and drink throat coat tea.  By Friday my throat felt better but overall I still felt like my body was a mess, and then the butt problems started.  I always thought I was ill more than most people because the doctors had constantly been prescribing me prednisone in the past, which I'm sure didn't help.  How could I really tell?  I can't and I'm in the hands of my doctors to help me.

Hypothyroid Mom has a post of 300+ symptoms of Hypothyroidism.  Just look at a few...

• Frequent infections
• Chronic illness
• Low immune system
• Frequent colds
• Frequent flus
• Susceptibility to bronchitis
• Hard time recovering from infections
• Recurrent sinus infections
• Recurrent skin infections
• Recurrent ear infections
• Recurrent nose infections
• Recurrent throat infections
• Candida (yeast)
• Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID)
• Repeated urinary tract infections
• Upper respiratory tract infections
• Difficulty swallowing
• Sensation of lump in throat
• Sensation of pressure on throat
• Pain and tenderness in neck and/or thyroid area
• Goitre (enlargement of the thyroid gland in neck)
• Burning sensation in throat
• Sore throats
• Swollen tongue
• Choking fits
• Distorted sense of taste (Dysgeusia)
• Salt cravings
• Sweet cravings
• Speech problems
• Dry mouth
• Halitosis (bad breath)
• Propensity for cavities
• Propensity for gum disease
• Low, husky, hoarse voice
• Bleeding gums
• Receding gums
• Irritated gums
• Swollen gums
• Persistent teeth clenching
• TMJ

Yikes!  I've highlighted just a few that I am currently having trouble with.  I've also had persistent nausea and constant diarrhea since 2 nights ago.  Could be from the virus as I'm usually constipated and last week was the 1st time in ages I felt like I had normal poops.  Now I'm back to them being inconsistent again.  Grossed out yet?  Wondering why I am bringing it up?  Just look at the list of digestive issues that come with being hypothyroid...

• Hard stools
• Constipation
• Hemorrhoids
• Loss of appetite
• Food allergy
• Food sensitivity
• Alcohol intolerance
• Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)
• Lactose intolerance
• Celiac Disease
• Gluten Sensitivity/Intolerance
• Colitis
• Abdominal distention
• Weight gain in abdominal area
• Protruding abdomen in children
• Diverticulosis
• Excess gas
• Flatulence
• Nausea
• Ulcers
• Acid Reflux
• Excessive belching
• GERD (Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease)

That's just hypothyroidism, not factoring in hyperthyroidism!  Well, I found out today that most everyone at work was sick yesterday so I'm sure I could blame someone else on this illness.  It's unfortunate, due to my shot immune system, that an illness someone else may be able to get over in a day can hit me so hard and leave me feeling ill and beaten for a much longer time.

 ~

I got to thinking.  Before I had my downfall with my autoimmune disease I was insanely stressed at work for a multitude of reasons, even though I was still excelling at my job on the days that I could manage to drag myself into work.  Stress is a huge contributor and trigger of autoimmune diseased.  Just read this abstract! "Unfortunately, not only does stress cause disease, but the disease itself also causes significant stress in the patients, creating a vicious cycle."  Things have been much better at work since my return but I had a few major stressors the last week.

It probably started when I took my cat Milton to the vet on June 5th.  I expected it to just be another regular checkup for the year.  He would get his shots and we would talk about his arthritis.  It didn't turn out that way.  Within about a minute the vet mentions something about a lump in his mouth.  What lump?  She opens his mouth to reveal what looks like a huge cyst under the left side of his tongue.  Since he's around 13 years of age we just decided to opt for surgery the upcoming Monday to figure out what it was and to get it removed.  I decided to take that day off but all weekend I was worried for him.

Then when I came home from work on Saturday, we realized our home was incredibly hot inside and, though the central air unit was set for the air conditioning, the vents were blowing out hot air.  Considering it wasn't an emergency to have it fixed, I shut the breaker for the unit off and had to wait until Monday to call and see if I could get someone out here to fix it.  Also, our units are on the roofs of the buildings so there are not many people to choose from to call and have them come out and fix it.

So all day Monday, between my cat having surgery and waiting for someone to come & check out our central air unit, I was a mess of nerves.  Milton's surgery went well and it turns out he had something called a Salivary Mucocele.  When bringing him home he peed all over himself in the carrier so we had to immediately give min a bath but he was still a bit out of it so it made it easier for me to bathe him.  He spent the next few days in & out from under the bed hiding and he seems to be doing much better as of now.

Milton after his bath and still not really sure what just happened.

Milton and Chris asleep on the couch.  Feeling much better.

As far as the central air unit goes, there was a capacitor that had blown.  It was a quick diagnosis and a quick fix.  But between shelling out $1000 between the two and worrying about it all weekend, my stress and anxiety was through the roof, even though things had worked out well.

Now tie that in to the vicious cycle of autoimmune hell...

For those of you who just don't get it...

The last time my friend was in town staying at her mother's, I went there before we went to do some shopping & shenanigans.  Her mom's like a 2nd mom to me, always making me eat and making sure I'm doing well.  She knows about my thyroidectomy and my struggle to get better.  This was right after I learned my TSH had shot up to 9, and though I'm still way better than I was in the past, immediately after being asked how I was doing, I responded, "Not too well," explaining how my level just spiked and how I have no clue why.

The conversation then took an argumentative turn.  She told me I was relying too much on my doctors & how I needed to stop all my medication and then she kept trying to push a progesterone cream on me because it was "all natural" and she "knew what I was going through."  Mind you she thinks I'm going through early menopause (thyroid disease vs. menopause) and has never been treated for a thyroid condition.  I explained how yes, my sex hormone levels could have something to do with my condition, but the hot flashes I was having after my surgery had since gone away, many months ago, and my periods are back on track.  I also explained how I made my new doctor check those hormone levels and they came back normal.  The last thing I need to do is take a supplement and throw the normal levels off causing more problems for me.  I told her how, due to my TSH being at 9, that made me understand why I was currently feeling like crap, and how I upped my dose of thyroid medication and we're also now looking into my adrenal gland function.  I tried to tell her how I cannot just stop taking my thyroid medication, how it could kill me if I did, and she just wouldn't accept it.

I broke down in tears.

I've had a few people ask me about stopping my medication to see if that would help, or tell me that maybe once I feel better I should stop taking them and I always try and explain to them how I can't.  Some, I think, get it.  Some, I think, act like they get it and then just drop the subject because they probably think I will just not listen to what they are trying to say anyway.  Then there are those that try and argue with me.  Not even to stop taking the medication permanently, but they cannot understand why I will not even try temporarily.  I started taking Armour back in October 2013 and, though I stated before how I am feeling better overall, my levels went from low, to normal, to low, to high! I still haven't even found a good dosing to keep me level yet!

So, the other day, Mary Shomon had posted on her Facebook page something that I feel EVERYONE needs to read.  If you just don't get it, maybe this will help.

"Type 1 Diabetics (an autoimmune disease) REQUIRE insulin to survive. Lack of insulin - a crucial hormone - will kill them. So far, there's no "natural" non-prescription source of insulin, no herbs, no vitamins, or supplements that can provide them with the insulin their bodies requires to survive. They require prescription insulin to live.

Human beings MUST HAVE THYROID HORMONE TO SURVIVE. Over time, a lack of thyroid hormone will eventually be fatal. There is no trusted "natural" non-prescription source of thyroid hormone, and no herbs, no vitamins, or supplements that provide the actual thyroid hormone our bodies require to survive.

While in a subset of cases, borderline thyroid problems can be caused by iodine deficiency/excess, goitrogenic foods, gluten intolerance, inflammatory diet, etc. -- most people who are hypothyroid are already looking at damage to the gland, which means the gland is unlikely to produce enough thyroid hormone, and may not be "fixable" or able to improve its hormone output. And for those whose gland is surgically removed or radiated (RAI) - they have little to no thyroid function at all, meaning no way to produce thyroid hormone.

I'm sharing this, because I'm concerned when I see people say that most of us shouldn't take thyroid meds, or "I don't need them, no big deal" etc.

If you read a success story -- or see marketing pitches -- about "I'm not taking any thyroid meds and I'm doing fine by doing x, y, z" or taking this or that supplement, that's wonderful for those folks, and there's no doubt that for a subset of people, food/diet/supplements may be able to put their thyroid into a normal range and/or resolve their symptoms.

But if you have had thyroidectomy/surgery to remove the gland, if you have long-standing hashimoto's with atrophy or destruction of the thyroid gland, if you have congenital hypothyroidism, if your gland has shrunk, etc. then all the diet/nutrition/supplements in the world are not going to make a missing or entirely dead organ to grow back or start working again. Those things can help with residual symptoms, definitely, and be the difference between feeling so-so and feeling great.

There is a profound difference between someone with mild borderline hypothyroidism and a TSH of 6 deciding not to take meds, and someone who has no thyroid going off meds, which can be fatal. I also want to caution you that in 20 years, I have heard from dozens of thyroid patients who said they went off their prescribed meds because they didn't want to take them, or they wanted to do it "naturally" and thought they were doing well, until they started to notice that they had gained weight, cholesterol shot through the roof, they didn't realize that miscarriages were connected, etc.

In one case, a woman who had no thyroid decided she didn't want to take her meds -- and it ended up where she couldn't drive, couldn't work, slept 20 hours a day, was so puffy she could barely move, her heart rate had dropped to about 40 beats per minute, and she was so addled she didn't even realize that she headed into a myxedema coma, and was slowly dying...she just laid in bed sleeping most of the time. Thankfully a friend recognized what was going on -- she hadn't taken her meds in a year at that point -- and if the friend didn't haul her deliberately into the ER as an emergency, where they found she had a TSH over 400, they said she was about 2 weeks away from death from organ shutdown.

Taking thyroid hormone is NOT like taking a Tylenol.... it is replacing a crucial hormone that we require to live. I just want to make sure that folks understand that this isn't a do-it-yourself casual health issue that's no biggie -- it can have some serious repercussions, it can cause loss of pregnancies, people have been wrongly institutionalized at mental hospitals, and it can even be fatal if we don't get the right treatment."

If you know someone with an auto-immune disease, unless we ask you, please do not give us advice.  We will be more than happy to answer any questions you have to the best of our ability.  We may not always know the answers as many of us still have many of our own unanswered questions and we are still learning ourselves.  The best thing you can do is listen, educate yourselves, try to understand, and support us!

~

You can follow Mary through the links below!
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thyroidsupport/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/ThyroidMary
http://www.thyroidcoaching.com/
http://www.thyroid-info.com/
http://thyroid.about.com/

January Birchbox review & ramblings of a hypothyroid gal.

January 2014 Birchbox Overview:

• Gentle Dry Shampoo with Oat Milk by Klorane.
• Three Whishes Body Butter in Pomegranate by Whish.
• Fruit Pigmented Mascara in Black Tea by 100% Pure.
• Resist C15 Super Booster by Paula's Choice.
• Tea in Mint Mystique, Blackcurrant, & English Tea No. 1 by Ahmad Tea.

Gentle Dry Shampoo with Oat Milk by Klorane.

• Retails $19.50 for 3.2 oz. 
• About the product: This sulfate, paraben, & sodium chloride free product claims to add volume & texture, soak up oil & sweat, and extend the life of blow outs and color to your hair, while oat milk & rice starches will soften it.  Hold product approximately 10 inches away from head & spray onto your roots.  Leave in for 2 minutes, then brush out & style as usual.
• What I thought: First off, you know those air cans that they sell that blast air out of them?  That's what it felt like when trying to apply this to my hair.  Having short hair, it coated all of it (not just my roots) & it made it harder to manage to get the look I wanted.  I applied it per instructions & tried using it on clean hair, hair with product in it, hair I didn't wash after a few days.  Every time it just made my hair feel more dry, full of product, & blown out over proportion.  I can see how this might work well with longer hair but pixies be warned!  If it wasn't such a blast of aerosol I might be okay with it because I could control the use better.  I gave the rest of my sample away.
• I wouldn't buy this. 

Three Whishes Body Butter in Pomegranate by Whish.

• Retails $24 for 5 oz. 
• About the product: It claims to soften, smooth, replenish & firm your skin.  It's packed with organic ingredients including aloe, shea butter, raspberry butter, seaweed extract, & rice bran oil.  It states rice bran oil is a super anti-oxidant that is 30 times more powerful than vitamin E and studies show it helps prevent skin cancer & improve sun screen efficiency.
• What I thought: I loved the way it smelled!  It wasn't too overly sweet like a lot of fruity body butters I have tried.  Unfortunately, its great ingredients & scent do not make up for the lack of benefits this gave my skin.  It was just too watery for me to consider it a butter and a little does NOT go a long way.  The sample was used up very quickly and the moisture didn't last long enough for me in this wonderful, dry, winter weather we've been having here.  It's mediocre at best & there are too many other, better, body butters & lotions out there that are more moisturizing & last much longer on my skin.
• I wouldn't buy this.

Fruit Pigmented Mascara in Black Tea by 100% Pure. 

• Retails $21 for 0.24 oz.
  
• About the product: Like the name of the brand, this product is 100% natural and vegetarian.  With a long list of ingredients packed into this mascara, you'd expect there to be some unknown substance hidden in it.  Instead, with ingredients like powdered coffee beans, blackcurrant, raspberry, & blackberry extract, organic green tea (and the list goes on), you can feel safe actually knowing what's inside the bottle you have.  It claims to lengthen, separate, thicken, & gloss lashes, while being water and smudge resistant. 
• What I thought: I was really excited to try this even though it's like, my 10th mascara I've gotten between Birchbox & Ipsy.  The wand for application in the sample is NOT what is pictured with the actual product and I think this is where my problem came in.  The sample brush was a lot fuller & soaked up a lot of the product so when I removed the wand from the bottle, it took most of the product out with it.  Then when I tried to put the wand back in, a ton of the product ended up all over the place & I had to wipe it away.  Gone to waste.  I got it in Black tea & it had a berry smell to it.  Due to the brush it came with it clumped like crazy on my lashes when applied.  It took some elbow grease to get my lashes looking well but it eventually looked good, lasted long, & the color stayed on well with no flakes.  Removed easily also!  I'd like to try it directly from the manufacture next time in the bottle and with the wand that it is intended to be used with.
• I'd be open to buying this in the future.

Resist C15 Super Booster by Paula's Choice.

• Retails $45 for 0.67 oz.
• About the product: Ingredients include 15% stabilized vitamin C, vitamin E, and ferulic acid to help you reduce redness, fade dark spots, acne scars, stimulate collagen production, reduce wrinkles, brighten & firm your skin.  Apply 2-3 drops of this to your serum or moisturizer, or use alone on your skin & you should see a difference in a few weeks.
• What I thought: There's no scent & you use very little of it.  I can't use it alone as it dried up way too quickly on my skin.  So taking from its advice, I ended up adding it to my argan oil I use, occasionally my moisturizer.  My skin became a little bumpy at 1st after using, which is typical when I try new products & change up my routine, but a week later it went away.  So it has been a few weeks & it probably helped me  maintain healthier skin, but not enough to notice any difference.  Still have 1/2 a bottle so I'll keep using it to see maybe if there's a benefit of using it a little longer.  As of right now, I just don't feel it's very effective in any way and could do without it in my routine.
• I wouldn't buy it.

Tea in Mint Mystique, Blackcurrant, & English Tea No. 1 by Ahmad Tea.

• Retail price varies; see list at Amazon.com.
• About the product: Ahmad Tea is a UK based family business which started in 1657.  They are a member of the United Kingdom Tea Council and belong to the Ethical Tea Partnership.  They taste over 600 cups of tea per day to make sure they are providing the best quality tea to its customers as it is exported to over 70 countries.
• What I thought: I got this in Mint Mystique, Blackcurrant, & English Tea No. 1.  They were all great & very fresh teas but the Mint Mystique was the best!  I'm the kind of person who loves to leave the tea bag in the tea & ignore the seeping rules so I can get a ton of flavor.  Some herbal mint teas are too pungent, drab, or stale, but this mint with green tea was so soothing & fresh!  Blackcurrant, & English Tea No. 1 are more common teas but you can definitely taste the quality in them.  I can't wait to try some more!
• I'd buy this.

See what I did there?  Let's hope I remember this format for my next post.  You have the product info with retail links, the retail price & size, about the product & use, my specific thoughts, & then if I'd buy it or not.  This ends my January Birchbox experience.  So if that's all you're interested in, you can stop reading because I'm going to ramble on about my life next.

~

Well, I'm FINALLY back to work.  Due to being out for a little over 6 months I have to go through re-training.  I'll admit, I was annoyed at 1st, though I understand their reasoning for doing so.  Now, being 2 weeks in, I'm glad I'm going through it again.

I still have a lot of stuff fresh on my mind so I've been helping some of the new trainees when needed.  At times, I don't want to seem like I'm not paying attention or participate by being quiet, but I want my new co-workers to be the ones answering the questions.  I've been using these systems for the last 10 years & these are completely new to most everyone else in my group.  I'm also not a know it all.  Things have changed since I left so I'm learning.  I feel as if the weight that was on my shoulders from my illness since I left has been lifted.

~

So that brings me to my health.  I'm still on the Armour, but adding the Cytomel was putting me in a hyperthyroid state so we dropped that.  I'm still struggling a bit between my body feeling hot & cold, but at work I have my blanket for when I'm cold, and a personal fan for when I'm hot.  My bigger issue right now is my fatigue.

I can keep myself awake at work, though close to when we leave I just want to fall asleep at my desk.  The later in the day, the harder the struggle is to keep my eyes open.  Mornings are OK but I tend to have worse brain fog then.  When I get home, I try as hard as I can to stay awake but usually end up konking out for a few hours on the couch from exhaustion.

I saw my new endocrinologist & explained everything to him.  He thinks I should stay my course on the Armour, but when I have my next blood tests done we are going to look into adrenal fatigue & also my progesterone levels.  Something my last endocrinologist didn't even bother to look into.  He told me to see my OBGYN, & they told me to go back to my endocrinologist, causing a big back/forth between doctors.  Then the more I read up, the more I realized these things were all part of my endocrine system & so, my endocrinologist should have been the one looking into it.

I do have to say things are SO much better now than they were before and after my thyroidectomy.  I'm hoping the day will come where I'm completely back to "normal."  Though I'm on my 3rd endocrinologist now, my last one was a big help & I do appreciate all he did for me.

~

Hmmmm... what else?  January 6-7th we had, what I consider to be, a mini blizzard.  I posted a video of the sideways snow blowing in my backyard.  We had our annual bowling day with my Dad's side of the family which is always fun.  On Valentine's Day, Chris & I had a nice dinner at Faletta's.  (Still no ring.)

Things have been good.  Did have a downer that is just causing more hoops to jump through, but 2014 is starting off really well.

This weekend's post has been brought to you by Bath & Body Works' Pink Chiffon collection.  I hope you are all well.  Happy bathing!

November Birchbox & autoimmune disease Hell.

Overview of the Birchbox I got: 

• Pomegranate Buffing Beads by Wei.
• Golden Root Purifying Mud Mask by Wei.
• Folle de Joie eau de parfum by Joie.
• Midnight Tango body butter by AYRES.
• Black Magic mascara in black by Eyeko.
• Chocolate Covered Pretzel in Smooth Mint by Fatty Sundays.

 

FYI - I'm changing the links around a bit.  If you are not a member of Birchbox, you can sign up under the link provided at the top of the page by selecting the linked "Birchbox."  If you don't want to join & are interested in purchasing one of the products listed, or interested in learning more about the companies Birchbox had partnered with, the links provided will be to the product & the general page of the manufacture.  I figured, if you are reading this & a member of Birchbox you will know where to find the products. (Really, all you have to do is just search the name.)  I am also going to start listing the retail price for the products. 

• Pomegranate Buffing Beads by Wei. Retails $20 for 20 packets.  For twenty packets at $1 each and using one every week, it should last you about 5 months.  Pretty good deal!  The product advises to use once a week (or as needed) and that all you need to do is add a quarter sized amount of your daily cleanser to it, massage into your face, rinse with warm water and then follow up with your daily serum and/or moisturizer.  It's a dry, unscented powder and I didn't think a quarter sized amount of my cleanser helped.  I dampened my face prior to applying, what I normally do when using my cleanser only, and it felt like I was rubbing sand into my face.  I immediately had to add water to it to get it to spread better and if I hadn't, it probably would have irritated my sensitive skin because of the friction.  Because it was so dry, even after mixing it up with my cleanser, it got all over the place and it was a b*tch to wash off completely.  After removing it, it did leave my skin very soft and bright.  If you don't mind the extra work that goes into using this product it's a good price to buy.  Personally, I have another product I use that I like so much better.  I wouldn't buy this.

• Golden Root Purifying Mud Mask by Wei.  Retails $42 for 8 masks & 1 application brush.  When opened, it had a nice, light, herbal scent to it.  1/2 a packet covered my face just fine & since they come in individual use packets, it felt like I was wasting a lot.  I could have easily used 1 packet 2x so I wonder, if after using 1/2 a packet, if it would keep well for another week in the fridge to use again so the remaining product doesn't go to waste.  When applied it gave off a cooling feeling, but that very well may have been because of my hypothyroidism.  Per the instructions I left it on for 10 minutes then rinsed off.  It sticks pretty well to the skin when dried, so a soft cloth will help remove it easier instead of using your hands.  After removed, my skin felt soft and moisturized, but also had a slightly clammy and cool feel to it that lingered for a few hours.  Being that winter is a month away and the fact I'm always freezing now because of my hypothyroidism, the cooling feeling was not a plus for me.  Overall, I like the way my skin felt after using this product.  I'd be open to buying this in the future. 

• Folle de Joie eau de parfum by Joie.  Retails $98 for 100 ml.  This is described as it opening with a blend of sweet citrus, a light woodsy floral, and hints of rich cognac.  Having mid notes of jasmine and rose with base notes of spicy and rich wood and leather.  I tested this over a few days & each time I loved the way it smelled immediately after applying it, but within a minute, all I could smell was ROSE.  Another perfume where a little bit will be very powerful & last a long time.  Don't douse yourself with it or you'll be one of those people who will walk by & gag others with its strong floral scent.  I don't know what else to say about it.  Couldn't wait to get it off of me!  I'll be giving the rest of this sample away.  I wouldn't buy it.  

• Midnight Tango body butter by AYRES.  Retails $28 for 6.75oz.  The scent is described as a sensual combo of orange blossom & sweet vanilla.  The scent to me was very light, sweet, floral, a tad musky but comforting.  I usually don't care for musky scents but I LOVED the combination of scent in this!  The sample received was only 1oz but I was able to use it a good 5-6 times before it ran out.  Its consistency seemed slightly waxy, but it absorbed quickly, and it left my skin soft without any greasy feeling.  It's perfect for dry skin or if you get rough spots, like elbows, knees, heels.  With the winter months coming up, this would be a perfect addition to your moisturizing routine!  I would buy this!           

• Black Magic mascara in black by Eyeko.  Retails $24 for 0.29oz.  I've never used mascara in tubes before and the 1st thing I noticed was it didn't cover the brush fully.  I really had to squeeze the mascara around in the tube in order to get it to cover the entire brush.  When applied, little black specks of the mascara fell on my cheek, & my eyelashes looked darker but still very thin.  The more I layered on, the more clumpy it got also.  It didn't lengthen, curl or make my lashes look any fuller.  It stays on pretty well though little black specks were found on my cheek throughout the day.  It also wasn't easy to get off, even with eye makeup remover, and it took a lot of rubbing to remove.  The full sized product even comes with an item that looks like a guitar pick to help prevent smudging when applied.  Seriously, why would you even need that?  There are SO many better (CHEAPER) mascaras out there.  I wouldn't buy this.

• Chocolate Covered Pretzel in Smooth Mint by Fatty Sundays. Retails $6.95 ($7 through Birchbox & varied by product through Fatty Sundays) for 5 pretzel rods.  "What's so special about chocolate covered pretzels?" you ask.  "I can make those myself!" you say.  But I ask you, "Can and will you ever make them in the variety that Fatty Sundays does?" and I bet your response will be, "No."  This was a pleasant surprise in my Birchbox this month.  The mix of salty & sweet in this really hit the spot!  It definitely had a smooth peppermint flavor to it and the small sample had me wishing I had more to nosh on.  They have a ton of different kinds you can get ranging from banana, to toffee, to mocha!  I'd love to try some of their other flavors.  I would buy this.

~

So, this took me a good, I don't even know how long, amount of time to work up.  I think I started it when I posted my last post.

My hypothyroidism has me feeling like hell & I would rather write about things that make me happy than things that bring me down.

But here's a sum up of my health over the last 2 months:

• I got costochondritis out of nowhere.  
• My ANA (Antinuclear Antibodies) test came back positive which could suggest Lupus due to other tests I've had, but all the docs are still attributing my God awful feeling to the hypothyroidism for now.  They will be keeping an eye on that.
• Pain, pain, pain.  Ranging from headaches to stabbing pain, to achy muscle and joint pain, to pain that feels like I have a brush burn & is insanely painful & sensitive to the touch or clothing brushing up against my skin.
• The doc I saw when I had costochondritis said they thought I had fibromyalgia.  My rheumatoligist said they didn't think I had fibromyalgia & it was just my hypothyroidism.  My primary doc's PA said it was fibromyalgia but caused due to hypothyroidism.  My endocrinologist has no clue why I'm in pain though advised I may not be converting T3 properly & it could cause it.
• My medication was changed to Armour Thyroid, 90mg, which is a non-synthetic T3 & T4 medication, as opposed to levothyroxine which is a synthetic T4 only medication.  I just recently started & am having good/bad days.  By good days it's only a few hours per day I feel ok, but still crappy.
• Overall feeling so uncomfortable in my skin & pain.  Can't get comfortable sitting, laying down, standing.  Body feels worse after any type of exercise, even walking.
• Still feeling nauseous all the time, thrown up a few times, been close to it many other times.
• Shaking a lot & at certain times my heart feels like it's pounding.
• Asthma is acting up worse than before.
• I'll be talking about or thinking about something & in the middle of doing so I completely draw a blank.
• Had diarrhea for 2 weeks straight.  Got better for a week, then had it again for another week.  Now I'm more constipated on the new medication, but that doesn't stop those hershey squirts from showing up now & then.
• Got my period & it was God awful heavy & horror show.  A week after it ended I got it again.
• My sleep schedule is a mess.  Fatigued all the time & taking naps when I can.  Waking up because of pain.
• Overall feeling causing depression, anxiety.
• Hair starting to fall out again but that's not so bad.  Could be worse.
• Left eye is still watering like crazy & vision starting to go in/out again even with new glasses.
• Still freezing cold all the time.
• Irritated, annoyed and upset easily.
• Got an itchy rash on my forehead a few times that I think I have determined the reaction is being caused by a L'Oréal shampoo & not my medication. 
• Oh, & my neurologist said I looked like I felt like crap when I saw her.  I do admire her honesty.

~

We had our 1st real snow last night.  As expected, the weather people predicted it to be much worse than it actually was.  I saw predictions of 6-8" all the way up to 12"s.  I don't think we even made it to 6"s.  It was lovely to wake up to.

That's it for now.  Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish friends and I hope everyone in the states has a lovely Thanksgiving tomorrow!  Take care & happy bathing!

B&BW new Bubble Bath gets a HUGE THUMBS DOWN!

I got an e-mail the other day advising Bath & Body Works had $3 wallflower fragrance bulbs which was a pretty awesome deal & so I wanted to go get some.  That plus they just released a new signature collection guaranteeing the world's best fragrance & so if you purchased $10, with a coupon you could get 1 signature item for free.  I already wanted to go to Sephora for my free birthday gift, as I had 1 day or so left to get it, so I had my boyfriend cart me to the mall.

I was so excited to see that they are transitioning their wallflowers & candles to their winter scents already.  So after about 1/2 hour of sniffing all the new candles the wallflower bulbs were picked out.  My boyfriend bought those & used a 20% off coupon, making them even less than $3!  WOO!  Plus we used another coupon to get a free mini Snow Day candle!  For my coupon I got a small Cranberry Woods candle at $10 exactly & then, when looking for my free signature item I got SUPER EXCITED to see they came out with a Pink Chiffon bubble bath!  Love the scent & I think I already have everything else in that scent that they make, so the bubble bath it was for my free item!

I get home & decide I want to use it right away.  The 1st thing I notice is that the consistency is very runny.  It is also clear, not shimmery, opaque, and thick like their old bubble baths.  I dissolve it into the running water & it bubbles up, then almost immediately the bubbles start dissipating.  By the time the bath was full almost all the bubbles were dissolved.

I looked at the bottle again because I could have sworn I bought the shower gel instead of the bubble bath.  Nope.  I got the right product, or so the bottle says.  The scent is fine, doesn't seem any stronger or better than their old products.  So I'm really not understanding what they are advertising with these being so new or better.  Scent is the same, lingers the same, overall product is much, much WORSE!  And so what if the look of the bottle changed.

Just to make sure, the next night I pulled out an OLD bottle of their Carried Away bubble bath & used that.  Just as I thought.  It was thicker, it bubbled up thicker & LASTED THE WHOLE BATH!

So, here is your WARNING!  DO NOT BUY THE NEW BUBBLE BATHS FROM B&BW!  They retail $14 compared to their shower gels only at $12.50 and both are 10 oz.  You will be wasting your money when you can get the same bath experience by just tossing in a cap of the shower gel instead.  Seriously!!!  Why pay more for a product when it doesn't provide what it's supposed to & there's something else that costs less, smells the same, and will give you the same results?  I also noticed their priced had increased.  Shower gels went up by $1.50 & the bubble baths increased by $2.  I'm thinking this may have been within the last year though I'm not really sure.

I am so glad I got this for free otherwise I would have taken it back.  Whatever they did they really need to go back to how they made their old bubble baths.  I hope they do.

Now onto other things...

September is usually the month in Western NY where you start to see dramatic fluxes in temperatures and you start to anticipate the arrival of fall.  Then comes October, the temperature drops, we have cold rains, air that smells of burning fireplaces, occasionally snow (that doesn't stick), & just the perfect autumn weather.  This year we've had a few of those days that make you say, "I love this time of year!"  Oddly enough, with the leaves changing and falling, we were hitting temperatures in the 70's and even 80's.  So it feels like a never ending Indian Summer.  Even through the next week the highs are being predicted in the high 60's & low 70's.  What our average temperature should be for October are highs around 59º & lows around 43º.  I feel like I'm back in Los Angeles.

Now that I'm off the prednisone I'm still waiting for that day that I start feeling normal again.  All my doctors kept saying to me was that I'll probably start getting the results I'm (they're) looking for once I'm off of it.  It's been only a week & I still don't feel any different.  I kind of wish right off the bat, before & after the surgery, they would have told me that this recovery could take a long time.  Instead, everyone kept saying 6 to 8 weeks.  So 6 to 8 weeks was drilled into me & my expectations of this were high.  Upon talking with others who have had a thyroidectomy, some advised it shouldn't be long before I felt better, and others have been suffering the awful side effects of hypothyroidism for years.  I don't want to be one of those people.  Still trying to find my normal after years of suffering.  I've already been suffering for years being incorrectly diagnosed & treated.

I haven't really been having night sweats anymore.  Yay!  Except they have kind of become more random throughout the day.  Boo.  Still having a hell of a time getting a full night's sleep.  My patterns are all messed up.  I'm exhausted & can't seem to sleep more than a few hours at a time, though I'm sleeping all the time.  Since the day after my birthday I've felt awful.  In pain, tired, cold, hot, diarrhea, acid reflux, nausea, sneezing.  I've pretty much been confined to my couch & this is the 1st time I've really sat at my computer desk for this long.  Though the couch & another nap are calling for me right now.  Also, randomly the skin on my fingertips, no where else, decided to peel.  I have no clue if this is associated in any way to my hypothyroidism, though it's not unheard of.  It doesn't hurt or anything, it's just annoying.

Looks worse than it actually is.

I'm almost wishing the temperatures would drop here so I know what to be expecting with my hypothyroidism & the cold.  I already have a hard enough time handling food in the freezer.  It feels like my fingers get instant frostbite when I touch frozen stuff, & no I do not attribute my peeling skin on my fingers to handling frozen food.  The other day I curled up under a blanket on the couch & just couldn't get warm.  I could have sworn the temp inside my home was in the low 50's & my furnace was broken so I got up to check the thermostat.  Heat on, inside temp & set to temp the same, 69º.  What the flip!?  Now, remember how I've complained before about how 71º was too cold for me.  Ugh.  I knock the temp up a degree & am able to get a few hours of sleep, wake up, then get another hour of sleep in.

I feel like crap.

You can't love everything.

I'm still testing some stuff out from my Birchbox before I get into the post of everything I received & what I think of it.  I noticed some beauty bloggers out there tend to do posts right away when they get it & it's like, "Hey!  This is what I got!  Here are the colors (if it's makeup or nail polish).  I love the colors & they are so in right now!  I'm not wearing anything because I just opened the box.  Let me tell you about the product from what's already listed about it on the package or online, not from my personal experience because I haven't even tried it yet."  EVERYTHING is great, & they love it all already without even having used it.  Let me tell you, putting a dab of something on your hand doesn't mean it's going to look good on your face.


So there's a blog I really like called Beauty Test Dummies.  On products they give you their star rating up to 5 stars, normal retail price, the "skinny" on the product & how it worked (or didn't work) for them, if they would keep or toss it, and more information on the company & product they are reviewing like links to the company's websites or where you can buy the products.  It's kind of the direction I'd like to go with my blog though I think if there's a product out there that I personally don't like, that product had to go through a lot of initial testing in the 1st place to even make it on the market.  So even if it's not a fit for me, it has to be a fit for someone out there!  I even found a review they did for the last product I reviewed!  The Rosemary Mint shampoo.  They wouldn't buy it but I loved the stuff!  See, everyone's different, & if you're looking for good & true product reviews, instead of a blog where everything reviewed they love, love, love (all the time) you should follow them!

I've been really down the last few weeks which I have been attributing to my hypothyroidism.  I did end up calling my OBGYN about my hot flashes & possible low estrogen causing it, who said to call my endocrinologist.  I'm so sick of this back & forth.  I'm not even looking for treatment because I know things can just eventually even out once I'm off the prednisone & on the right dosing of thyroid hormones.  I just would like answers if that's really the problem or not.  As soon as any of my doctors hear that I had Graves' and a thyroidectomy, they just pass off any other symptoms I'm currently having as a possible hypothyroid problems without even really looking into it on their end.  "Talk to your endocrinologist."  Well, my endocrinologist doesn't think it has anything to do with my hypothyroidism. "It could, you need to talk to him.  We can't help you."  So, more sleepless nights to suffer though with no answers.  I just have to hope & pray it eventually goes away.

As of yesterday I started my last 2 weeks of prednisone.  Down to 5mg a day & boy am I feeling it with aches.  I go through this every time I lower the dose & it will probably be the worst when I completely go off the medication.  I like to describe the feeling as either (a) being hit by a car or (b) being beat up with a baseball bat.  I feel like I'm bruised & battered all over & it hurts to be touched.  Even my hair.

One good thing about yesterday was I got a new script for glasses!  The first thing they did was an automated perimetry visual field test.  I had to cover one eye and consistently stare at an orange dot in front of me that reminded me H.A.L. 9000, then little flashes of light would randomly come up on the screen around the orange light & if I saw them, I would use a clicker to register it.  It's very annoying & sometimes I wasn't sure if I was seeing dots that were being administered by the machine or if they were floaters.  After that came a long process of, "Put on your current glasses & cover this eye & read this line."  Then, "Cover your other eye & take off your glasses & read that line."  Then, "Is this better or worse?  Is this sharper or is this one sharper?  Which one is more clear?"  Over, and over, and over again.... until.... OMG! I can read everything CLEARLY!  Upon leaving my doctor told me that the script is quite different than what I currently have.  Surprising how much it changed in a years time.  He also joked, "The easy part is over.  Now here comes the hardest part of all this.  Shopping for glasses."

I also got my 1st Ipsy bag yesterday!  I can't wait to give everything a try.  They must get some super deal through DHL to be using them.  It took 13 days to get from NC to me in NY.  Seems kind of excessive considering it came from the same coast I'm on.  It took Ipsy 6 days after it shipped to even notify me that it had.  What really confused me though was they gave me a USPS tracking code that advised it had been already delivered to some place in CA back in August.  This was updated correctly once DHL handed it off to my post office.  I'm so used to using USPS when I ship stuff that if it's within the continental USA it's there within a week.  Well, now I know what to expect as far as a time frame with them.  Give it a full 2 weeks.

Well, lots to do today though I feel like curling up under a blanket and sleeping.  I'm sure that will happen at some point soon.  More later!

Learning more about hypothyroidism & REVIEW of De~Luxe Rosemary Mint shampoo & conditioner.

Thursday was not a good day for me.  I saw both my eye specialist and endocrinologist and I got answers to all of my questions.  These answers were very vague though and left me upset and just confused about the future of my health.  I keep trying to be optimistic about how I am being treated and it just feels like every time I'm figuring something out, or start understanding it, I end up realizing how much I don't know and become more confused and depressed about it all.

Since the surgery my eyesight has been progressively getting worse with blurring, light streaking, and double vision mostly in my left eye.  I felt like my glasses under my old script were not helping, though I realized at the eye doctor on Thursday they are helping a little.  My doctor informed me that for a year, or longer, certain antibodies from the Graves' disease can be elevated in my body, affecting my eyesight, & there's that possibility it might just get better or it could get worse also.  They've done enough they can with the steroids so I've been off the steroid eye drops & in a few weeks I'll be tapered off the prednisone.

I have an appointment next week to check my vision range & get a new script for glasses in which I will need.  He said the lenses need to be, I believe, fragmented and there's a possibility the lenses would need a new vision script every few months (depending if my vision gets worse or not).  He gave me a few eye exercises to do as much as I can (or when I remember) and I go back in a month.

I left the office in tears because everything seems so uncertain with this.  Not only that, but I've worn reading glasses for many years & my vision has only slightly changed.  My reading glasses that I got over 10 years ago finally broke 2 years ago and so I got the vision plan through my employment, got a new pair of cheap, reading glasses, then dropped the plan during (what seemed to be a very early) open enrollment last year.  A few months later I was diagnosed with Graves' and a few months after that, diagnosed with Thyroid Eye Disease.  I do have a discount plan under my current health insurance for glasses but it will hardly put a dent in what this is going to cost me considering I will need both new frames and lenses in which the lenses may need to be changed every few months.

If I know what I'm typing, or have an idea of the subject of what I'm reading, I can make out words though I still struggle.  Testing myself, reading random numbers and letters all together is a major stress on my eyes.  So, when my job consists of me reading a lot of VINs, phone numbers, e-mails and It's not like I can re-program the systems used to make the fonts super large so I can make them out just for my own sake, I NEED these glasses.  Besides the cost though, I am kind of excited to get new glasses.  Not only for the fact that I'll be able to see better but I like wearing glasses.  I'm a bit of a geek at heart!

Then I get home & learn how much people very close to me don't even understand what I'm going through.  Giving me their advice thinking that the doctors advice is bad, & being on this medication is screwing me up.  It's not the medication, it's the condition.  If I stopped the medication I'm on I would be so much worse off.  I don't have a thyroid anymore.  I don't have one that's even partially working to help control my metabolism.  If I don't take a medication or supplements to help I have NOTHING controlling my metabolism.  Just eating certain foods & exercising is not going to make me better (though I understand it can help).  At least I also understand why they wanted to put me on prednisone.  My doctor didn't extend the use of it, which he very well could have.  Even though I may be confused & frustrated about what the doctors are telling me and what their action plans are for me, from what I am reading and learning, everything they are doing & how they are doing it is the best they can do at this point in time.

Then I went to see my endocrinologist.  Some things are better but many things just seem the same.  I explain to him all my other symptoms that I've mentioned a million times on here before because nothing seems to be getting better & it's all the same thing day after day after day.  Turns out my TSH jumped.  When you have hypothyroidism TSH is usually high, hyperthyroidism it's usually low.  Going over my labs my TSH when I had Graves' was .002,  about a week after the surgery my TSH was considered normal at 2.199 and now it jumped to 7.499.  TSH is not the only thing we are looking at with my blood work but being that high it's a major reason why I feel like crap.  He explained to me how my pituitary glad is overworking due to the fact I have no thyroid proving that the medication dosage I'm on is not enough.  So my levothyroxine was upped from 125 to 150mcg.

When I was at my endocrinologist he had no clue why I was waking up at night sweating like crazy and feeling like crap.  Then, like a miracle, Stop the Thyroid Madness posted a link about sleeping disorders when suffering as hypothyroid.  I didn't know that being hypothyroid could directly effect estrogen levels causing this!  This may not be the answer to why this is happening to me as I will need further testing to determine if that's what it really is, but this information will help me with new question to ask & who to seek help from.  I may just get better after time when I find the right thyroid medication dosage, and if not, this information will help me know what I may need to test later to fix, yet another, problem.

Remember how I posted that link in my last post about the petition for endocrinologists to be up to date on the care of thyroid patients?  THAT LAST PARAGRAPH IS ANOTHER REASON WHY!  It seems so simple that I could have told my endocrinologist, "Hey, I'm waking up at all hours of the night all hot & sweating. (Though I'm freezing cold also.  I know this sounds all mixed up so imagine how I'm feeling!)  Even when I take a nap in the middle of the day I wake up all sweaty.  Sometimes I'm not even taking a naps & I get sweaty & gross."  His response shouldn't have been, "Oh, I have no clue why that's happening."  It should have been, "Well, being hypothyroid it can also cause havoc on your estrogen levels."  Then from there advised if I should have it checked out, or if it should get better once my other hormones level out, or if it doesn't what I should do.  Nope, he had no clue.  Again, PLEASE, if you have not already, SIGN THE PETITION!

I'm not even going to bring it up to him until I see him next.  I AM going to call my OBGYN though & explain everything to them because I am on a birth control that could be contributing to this & see if maybe there's something better.  Before I change anything I will request another blood test be done to see if this really is the problem though it completely makes sense that it could be!

Because I'm sick of feeling sick I ask when I should start seeing results.  Mind you, they said 6-8 weeks after surgery I could be completely better & here I am almost 7 weeks out and feeling like complete crap.  Almost feeling the same as I have been feeling since right after the surgery.  Here comes the vague, it could be days and it could be longer, maybe another month.  Month after month, they keep adding months to how long it will be before I start feeling better so I'm starting to lose faith as to when this time is going to come.  I want one week, just ONE WEEK, where I have no symptoms at all.  One week where I'm not uncomfortable in my body.  One week where I feel normal again to know that I'm finally on the right path.  Right now I can't even get a full day in of feeling normal.

So it has been depressing me.

Last night's bath consisted of:

• Rose bath bomb by tmizerek on eBay
• Daddy-O shampoo by Lush Cosmetics
• Buffy shower scrub by Lush Cosmetics
• Divine Calm body wash by The Body Shop (no longer available)
• Sister's Lavender & Vanilla Bean body butter by Mainely Cole's

With my last order to fragrancenet.com I got a small sample of Rosemary Mint shampoo and conditioner by De~Luxe SaVON.  Though I don't see it for sale on their site I did find it on drugstore.com.

They list the product as paraben free, biodegradable, synthetic fragrance free using pure essential oils, it has natural plant based ingredients, 100% pure botanical extracts, and it's cruelty free, not tested on animals!

I was able to use the samples over about a 4 day period.  The scent is very strong with both the rosemary and mint so if either of these bother you, as the scent will linger in your hair, the product may not be for you.  Having short hair, a little bit went a long way as it lathered nicely.  99% of the time I air dry my hair & these left me with a nice bounce & volume, a good clean feeling, and softness.

I would definitely buy the full sizes for myself & the cheapest I did find them were at drugstore.com.  If you are interested in doing a trial of the products before you buy, drugstore.com does sell travel sizes, currently $1.59, of both the shampoo and conditioner.

Happy bathing!